GME Investors Make a Killing

     (GME) Shares of Gamestop are up nearly 70% this week, bouyed by a series of stabbings out side of their retail locations. Customers seem willing to wait as long as it takes to get their hands on the new Playstation and XBOX Series Fives, and investors are seeing this most recent batch of bloodsport translate into huge gains in the market.  It is rumored that firms as large as Birkshire Hathaway and The Gates Foundation are considering purchasing huge amounts of the stock; as one unconfirmed, uncorroborated source puts it, GME is a “sure thing” for at least the next decade.  This same source, who only contacts Enron Weekly from a secure phone in his mother’s basement in order to protect his identity, also let us in on a little tip.  “Retail in general has never been stronger, and Gamestop in particular has shown time and time again that customers love paying extra money to pre-order useless cosmetic bullshit along with their games.  They’ll even wait in line for the priviledge.”